HO HO WHO: Alicia Keys, 15 time Grammy award-winning R&B singer-songwriter-pianist, HIV/AIDS activist, and occasional film actor.

A STOCKING, STUFFED: Keys has always been meticulous. Her determination to control her creative destiny is at least part of the reason she changed labels twice before her debut album, 2001’s Songs in A Minor, finally dropped. Recently, she’s been working at a faster clip: Released last month, her new collection, Santa Baby, is her third album in three years, with four original yule jams joining seven holiday standards in the lineup. “December Back 2 June” is the most seductive and up-tempo—and least Christmassy—of the new songs, its buoyant and danceable “dum dum DUM DUM” and “woo OOH OOH ohh ooh” vocal backing tracks accompanying yet another saturnalian ode to love in bloom during the putative Most Wonderful Time of the Year™. This relationship seems to have a few miles on it, at least, the lyrics evincing more devotion than curiosity: “Every season you give reason/ To love you from December back 2 June.” 

GET A ROOM: So for the other five months of the year, the object of affection being sung to here is a free agent, I guess? It’s not like November is super difficult to rhyme with December. No judgment, of course, so long as all parties clearly understand and enthusiastically consent to this arrangement. Love is love!

Or is Keys simply acknowledging that like so many Christmas albums, this one was recorded in the summertime? “It’s Christmas in June,” Keys recites over the closing bars. “I mean Christmas is all the time when I’m with you/ That’s what I’m trying to say, you know?” Actually, ma’am, you’ve cleared up very little here. Even so, welcome to my 2022 yulemix! 

CHEER FACTOR: 8/10 (Christmas Cheer Factor: Not Applicable.)