BDSM isn’t necessarily for everyone, but it certainly continues to grow in popularity. For those of us who do enjoy it, it’s the perfect middle ground between love and passion. You’re looking at a more blissful, intense experience. There’s also a lot of trust to build in the process.
But what if you haven’t found your BDSM community yet? Fortunately, the internet makes it easier than ever. In this guide today, we want to look at the best BDSM dating sites. Let’s discuss the most open-minded dating communities on the web. These are some of the best dating sites and apps on the market today.
The 11 Best BDSM Dating Sites
| Rank | Site | Free Trial Link | Best For |
| #1 | Alt.com | Free Trial | Best for Travellers |
| #2 | Adult Friend Finder | Free Trial | Best Overall BDSM Dating Site |
| #3 | AshleyMadison | Free Trial | Best Discreet Dating Platform |
| #4 | OneNightFriend | Free Trial | Best for BDSM Chat Rooms |
| #5 | BDSM.com | Free Trial | Best for BDSM Newbies |
1. Alt.com – Best for Travellers
One of the largest BDSM dating websites on the web is Alt.com. They offer a variety of features that make them popular, including fetish-specific dating, photo trading, and even member cameras. Swingers, couples, and single users all frequent the platform. And, to top it all off, it’s extremely easy to use since the interface is so friendly.
Other friendly features include their amateur chat room. Or, head over to an experienced dom and dommes’ room for a different BDSM adventure. No matter how new or familiar you are with the community, you can find a place on this platform.
Alt.com is the best BDSM dating site for travelers because of its search features. Instead of being limited to your country, you can search for users across the globe. Whether you’re traveling or at home, you can find like-minded kinky users anywhere in the world.
You can join for free, though there are limited free features if you don’t upgrade to the premium membership. This is typical of dating sites, so something that was expected. For a full review on Alt.com visit this link to learn more.
Pros
- The impressive search function helps you search for any type of person anywhere in the world
- Different search parameters make it easy to find users that match your intentions
- Moderators constantly remove spam to make your experience more pleasant
Cons
- Limited free features
2. AFF – Best Overall BDSM Dating Site
All the perks and features that come with Adult Friend Finder made us give it the overall best score. With the largest fetish community across the web, it’s easy to find matches. They also have a social media feel where you can post about your experiences, kinks, and more.
One of the best BDSM dating sites out there, AFF has a thriving kink community. If Adult Friend Finder interests you, you can read a complete review here.
Pros
- LGBTQ+ friendly
- Open to swingers and polyamorous users
- Forums and fetish groups are easily accessible
- Can video chat with either amateurs or professionals – it’s up to you!
- They have a growing and abundant kink community
Cons
- The membership fee is higher than some other platforms
3. AshleyMadison – Best Discreet Dating Platform
If you’re looking to have a BDSM affair, Ashley Madison is the platform for you. It’s easy to run searches on specific kinks. You can also just look at who’s nearby and see what each of their kinks is. The platform is versatile and perfect if you’re trying to start a fast and fun relationship. For a more in-depth review of Ashley Madison click here.
Pros
- Fetishes are stated on profiles
- Your photos are blurred or masked so people you know in real life will have trouble knowing it’s you
- Perfect for discreet or secret affairs and situations
Cons
- Not exclusive to the BDSM community
- No forums are available on the site, though there are chat rooms
4. OneNightFriend – Best for BDSM Chat Rooms
Another honest, open hookup site with a love for BDSM is OneNightFriend. It’s easy to meet a user or users for some BDSM passion for the night. Spend some quality time investing in discovering your own kinks and desires.
Pros
- Popular among users in the 25 to 34 age range
- Free to register and create your own page
- Over 137,000 active users a week
- Casual hookup site for all preferences and fetishes
Cons
- Limited free features
- Not suitable for those looking for a long-term BDSM partner
5. BDSM.com – Best for BDSM Newbies
For newcomers that are interested in learning more about the BDSM community, BDSM.com is the perfect place to start. They even have the domain!
The fast-growing sex-positive community already has over 900,000 members with new growth every day. In fact, there are over 340 groups that are all dedicated to their own unique kinks. No matter where you might be on the BDSM spectrum, there’s a place for you on this site.
Pros
- The matching process is effective, with an intelligent algorithm behind it
- Over 250,000 member videos to look through
- Plenty of kinky users to talk to
- You can join as an individual user, a couple, or even a polycule/group
Cons
- The features you get to use with a free account are severely limited
6. FetLife – Best for Meeting Other Kinky People
If you’re looking to meet other kinky people in your area, then FetLife might be more your speed. It’s easy to get to know and then meet other kinky users local to you with this handy platform.
Known for their BDSM communities, FetLife is also one of the most popular free dating sites for like-minded people. It’s free to chat, post videos and photos, and look at other users’ content. You can follow members, add them as friends, and get to know if they’re into the same lifestyle as you.
Pros
- 100% free membership
- Search by location, fetish, and so much more
- Free to message, add, and check out other users’ content
- Website is user-friendly, albeit perhaps outdated
Cons
- Their app often gets taken out of app stores due to the type of platform FetLife is
7. https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMpersonals/ – Best 100% free BDSM community
Another one of the best free BDSM dating sites is none other than the Subreddit, BDSM Personals. By far one of the easiest platforms to use, it’s a free, laidback way to get to know others in the community. Personal ads are easy, and it can get people’s attention!
There’s an active subgroup moderator, as well as over 145,000 active users. So, it’s certainly not lacking for activity.
Pros
- 100% free to turn your personal ad into a chat with each active user that responds
- Moderator helps get rid of spam and useless posts
- Easy to post a specific personal ad with what you’re looking for
Cons
- There are no features that set it apart from other dating sites, though it’s more of a social network
8. Fetish.com – Best Fetish-Themed Social Network
One of the best social networking BDSM dating sites is Fetish.com. The name is pretty self-explanatory, and here, you can find anything you desire. A portal to the bigger BDSM community, you’ll enjoy all the site’s features and benefits.
Best of all, membership is free.
Pros
- Free to chat, browse forums, and search almost anywhere in the world
- Combination of dating and matching
- Read, write, and share posts at your leisure
Cons
- A higher male population makes it a more male-centric platform, which isn’t ideal for everyone
9. Fantasy Match – Best for Ethical Polyamorous BDSM
One of the best BDSM dating sites is also one of the best poly online communities: Fantasy Match. The Fantasy App deals exclusively in polyamorous and open relationships. Swingers, ethical polyamorous groups, and everyone in between are welcome.
The platform makes it easy to feel invited. In fact, there’s not even a need to ask about marital status. Everyone believes in ethical dating, health and safety, and reciprocating on this dating site.
Pros
- Designed from a female’s perspective at looking at dating sites
- Open, ethical polyamorous dating
- Comfort and consent make BDSM that much more enjoyable
Cons
- Not the most ideal platform for males interested in a male-centric platform
10. Fetster – Best for Extreme Kinks
One of the most open-minded BDSM communities on the web, Fetster is a free platform. It operates as both a meetup group and a social network. They try to accommodate all fetishes on the site, and that includes the entire BDSM spectrum.
Don’t see any groups you like? You can make a group of your own, then. This was one of our favorite features on the site.
Pros
- Creature your own niche fetish group if you can’t find it already on the site
- Social network vibe with a meetup group mentality
- Completely free platform makes it easy to communicate with like-minded users
Cons
- The layout is a bit outdated, and maybe not the most appealing
11. Kinkoo.app – Best for Filtering Out Fake Profiles
One thing that the Kinkoo app has going for it is their strict moderators. These mods work to rid the platform of any and all fake profiles. This is thanks to a vetted community that also helps match users together using their own algorithm.
Kink and education feeds serve as icebreakers, depending on how you want to go about it. There’s also the introduction of a soft or hard limit, which is nice to be able to provide ahead of time.
Pros
- Match algorithm makes it more than just a classifieds website
- Meet people while traveling or in your local area
- Start conversations through education and kink feeds
Cons
- There’s no desktop website, only an app
Quick Guide to BDSM Terms and Ideas
If you’re a newbie to the BDSM community, first of all, welcome. Second, we want to help you understand the community better and feel more at home here. It can be confusing to try to navigate across this new world by yourself. Fortunately, we’ve got a handy guide to help you understand some of the most common terms for BDSM.
First, BDSM stands for four distinct ideas.
Bondage and Discipline
Not everyone in the BDSM community is into bondage, but that’s why it’s such a broad spectrum. Only one of the four ideas that represent BDSM, bondage is just restraining or being restrained.
Discipline, though, is a more integral part of more BDSM niche communities. It’s the act of consensually training someone to obey you. Or, you may be allowing someone to consensually train you to obey them.
Dominance and Submission
Next comes the D and S in BDSM – dominant and submissive. This is a broad aspect of BDSM, since it’s so all-encompassing. Anything from roleplaying to negotiation can fall under this term. Power exchanges are common here – and fully enjoyable.
Masochism
Finally, sadism and masochism finish off BDSM. Sadism is the tendency to derive your pleasure from inflicting either pain or humiliation onto others. Masochism, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. You have the tendency to derive pleasure from your own pain or humiliation if you’re a masochist.
Each dynamic has its own soft and hard limits, of course. What is on the table for one couple may be fully taboo for another. There are many different types, though, so it just takes understanding what you are most into.
BDSM Dating Site Frequently Asked Questions
What are the most common mistakes men make on BDSM dating sites?
These mistakes can easily be seen as dealbreakers, so make sure you’re not making them!
- Saying you can give them anything they want when you’re a newbie
- Not providing any intentions or text on your profile, only pictures
- Ignoring any soft or hard limits that someone already expressed
- Making advances before you’ve built enough trust
- Not respecting a sub or dom’s rules
- Being boring or annoying instead of bratty as a sub
- Being a far too aggressive dom
Should you ever sign a contract?
We would recommend signing a contract beforehand. Even if it’s just symbolic, it shows that you and your BDSM partner fully agree to all the boundaries and rules you’ve each laid out. A contract can be a safe way to establish the base respect you two deserve.
What if someone asks for money?
This depends on your kink within the BDSM community. Financial domination is very much another aspect. If someone volunteers to meet you and do something intimate for financial compensation, though, stay wary. Double-check their connections within the community and if they are the real deal or not.
If you are looking for more casual dating, read this article about female escort websites.
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Final Thoughts on the Best BDSM Dating Sites
We were also able to answer some important questions you might’ve had. Do any of the BDSM dating sites we got to cover stand out to you? The BDSM community is waiting on these platforms with open arms, so we hope we were able to help you narrow in on the one for you.