Get to know D.C. with our daily newsletter

We dive deep on the day’s biggest story and share links to everything you need to know.

All my friends keep asking me, “Arthur, why do you say you’ll never eat another chicken sandwich from Subway?”

I frequent all the cheap sandwich shops near my downtown corporate office. Yesterday I wanted an empanada and beans & rice from Julia’s, but they weren’t selling beans that day. So, since lunch was a bust from the start, I decided to cut my losses and go for a cheap $5 footlong sandwich from Subway.

I now question whether this is ever a good choice.

Normally, I’d get a Veggie Max, but I’d eaten one too recently, so that was out. Almost everything on the $5 menu contains the chain’s signature slimy deli meat, which hurts my stomach. Last week I gambled on the new Chicken Pizziola, which made my intestines feel very strange indeed. I figured the Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwich would be a safe choice.

My friends, here is the answer to your question: I will never eat this sandwich again because the chicken is so bland it lets me taste all the other ingredients. After lots of Subway sandwiches, a man realizes that something about the flavor of Subway’s bread, vegetables, and condiments just isn’t right. I could not even finish the chicken sandwich. I threw it away.

This episode reminded me of a piece of original wisdom from a famous writer named Dave Jamieson, who once said, “Subway sandwiches always seem as if they’ve been thrown from a moving vehicle, or as if somebody sat on them.”

Never again.