Iām a lady considering taking on a foot fetishist as a slave. He would do chores around my house, including cleaning and laundry, and give foot rubs and pedicures in exchange for getting to worship and jack off to my model-perfect feet when Iāve decided heās earned it. Am I morally obligated to tell my roommates? Technically the guy would be in their common space too. I will fully vet him with references and meet him in a neutral location at least onceāand anything else you might suggest I do for securityās sake. Though my roommates are not what you would call conservative, Iām not sure theyād understand this kind of arrangement. I would have my slave come over when no one is around, and then my roommates could come home to a sparkly clean common area! My slave would never have access to their personal spaces, nor would I leave him alone in any area of our home until a strong bond of trust had been established. No harm, no foul? Or am I crossing a line? āMan Into Cleaning A Shared Apartment
A friend in Berlin has a similar arrangement. This guy comes over to clean his apartment once a week andāif my friend thinks heās done a good enough jobāmy friend rewards him with a knee to the balls. Itās a good deal for both parties: My vanilla-but-kink-adjacent friend gets a sparkly clean apartment (which he loves but doesnāt want to do himself), this guy gets his balls busted on a regular basis (which he loves but canāt do himself). But my friend lives alone, MICASA, and that makes all the difference. Or does it?
Time for some playing-games-with-foot-fetishists theory: If you were having sex with a boyfriend in the common areas of your apartment when your roommates werenāt homeāletās say your boyfriend (or even some rando) wanted to fuck you on the kitchen floorāyou wouldnāt be morally obligated to text your roommates and ask their permission. But weāre not talking about a normal guy here or normal sexāweāre talking about a fetishist who wants to be your slave. Does that make a difference? It might to people who regard kinksters as dangerous sex maniacs, MICASA, but a kinky guy isnāt any more or less dangerous than a vanilla guy. And a kinky guy youāve gone to the trouble to vetāby getting his real name and contact information, by meeting in public at least once, by asking for and following up with referencesāpresents less of a threat to you and your roommates than some presumed-to-be-vanilla rando one of you brought home from a bar at 2 a.m.
Strip away the sensational elementsāhis thing for feet, his desire to be your chore slave, the mental image of him jacking off all over your toesāand what are we left with? A friends-with-benefits arrangement. A sparkly clean apartment benefits you (and your roommates); the opportunity to worship your feet benefits him. This guy would be a semi-regular sex partner of yours, MICASA, and while the sex youāre having may not be conventional, the sex you have in your apartmentāincluding the sex you might have in the common areas when no one is at homeāis ultimately none of your roommatesā business.
That said, MICASA, unless or until all your roommates know whatās up, I donāt think you should ever allow this guy to be alone in your apartment. āDan Savage
My girlfriend drunkenly confessed to me that she used to pee on her ex. Iām not sure what to do with this information. āDudeās Relationship In Peril
Did she ask you to do something with this information? Did your girlfriend say, āHey, I used to pee on my exānow go make me a dreamcatcher with that news, would you?ā Your GF got a little kinky with an ex, most likely at the exās request, and so what? If piss isnāt something youāre into, DRIP, donāt obsess on the distressing-to-you details and focus instead on the big picture: Youāve got an adventurous GF. Congrats. If she doesnāt have an equally adventurous BF, hereās hoping she finds one. āDS
My 7-year-old son started getting really into gauze, splints, and bandages when he was 3, and by the time he was 4, it became clearly sexualized. He gets a boner when he plays ābroken boneā or just looks at bandages, and he has expressed how much he loves to touch his penis when he does this. My husband and I (both happily vanilla) have been accepting and casual about this. Weāve provided him with a stash of āsupplies,ā taught him the concept of privacy and alone time, and frequently remind him to never wrap bandages around his head or neck. Is it normal to be so kinky at such a young age? I know kinks generally develop from childhood associations. When he was 2, he had surgery to correct a common issue on his groin. Might that have sparked this? I want my son to grow up with a healthy and positive sexuality. Are we doing him a favor or a disservice by supplying him with materials, freedom, and privacy to engage in a kink so young? āBoy Always Needing āDoctoringā And Getting Edgier
Your sonās behavior isnāt that abnormal, BANDAGE. Itās standard for kids, even very young kids, to touch their genitalsāin public, where it can be a problem, or in private, where it should never be a problem. And Lord knows kids obsess about the strangest shit. (What is the deal with dinosaurs, anyway?) Right now your son is obsessed with bandages and splints and gauze, his interests arenāt purely intellectual, and itās easy to see a possible link between his experience with bandages and gauze in his swimsuit area and his obsession.
None of this means your son is definitely going to be kinky when he grows up, BANDAGEānot that thereās anything wrong with being kinky when you grow up. There are lots of happy, healthy kinksters out there, and your kid could be one of them when he grows up. But itās too early to tell, and so long as his interests arenāt complicating his life (heās not behaving inappropriately with friends or at school), your sonās whatever-this-is will become less of your concern over time, and ultimately it will be none of your business.
In the meantime, you donāt wanna slap a āso kinkyā label on a 7-year-old. (If he were to overhear you using that term to describe him, does he have the computer skills to Google it himself?) But youāre doing everything right otherwise. You arenāt shaming your son, and you arenāt making bandages and gauze and splints more alluring by denying him access to them. You are teaching him important lessons about privacy and what needs to be reserved for āalone time.ā
You ask if itās normal to be āso kinkyā (a phrase we shall both retire, at least when referring to your son, after today) at such a young age. Probably notābut so what? According to science, most adults have paraphilias, aka ānon-normative sexual desires and interests.ā That means kinks are normalāat least for grown-upsāso even if your son isnāt normal now, BANDAGE, heāll be normal someday. Most happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult kinksters can point to things in their childhood that seemed to foreshadow their adult interests in bandages/bondage/balloons/whatever. Author, journalist, and spanking fetishist Jillian Keenan (Sex with Shakespeare) was fascinated by spanking when she was your sonās age. Keenan likes to say she was conscious of her kink orientation before she knew anything about her sexual orientation. So while your sonās behavior may not be ānormalā for a kid who grows up to be vanilla, it would be ānormalā for someone who grows up to be kinky. āDS