Patrons, residents, and property managers of the Golden Triangle, you can all relax. The Golden Triangle Business Improvement District has the fox situation under control. Reports have been filed. The authorities have been notified. Phew.

Around 11 a.m. on what we suspect was Wednesday, April 10, someone in a fox costume, accompanied by a one-person film crew, menaced a security guard “at a building withing [sic] the Golden Triangle BID,” according to a letter the BID sent to “property managers.” The letter does not specify a day, but the Washington Business Journal reports it was sent Wednesday, the same day the letter began circulating on social media.

The letter, which thankfully includes a photo, also informs property managers that after attempting to “gain access to the elevators” in an unidentified building, a security officer stopped the pair and asked them to leave.

“The individual in the fox costume then looked at the security officer and stated, ‘You are a dead man walking,’” the letter advises, adding, “No further motive for entry was demonstrated.”

The letter further states that the BID has “completed a Suspicious Activity Report (SARS) on behalf of the neighborhood,” though we could have done without the unfortunate acronym.

“To be clear, these individuals have no affiliation with the Golden Triangle BID,” the letter hilariously concludes.

The Biz Journal, for their part, added their own bit of comic relief to the whole saga, noting in their write-up yesterday that “the incident, and its response, is representative of the broad range of issues that any D.C. BID must tackle, from cleanliness and crime to homelessness, marketing and emergency preparedness.”

Emails sent to the Golden Triangle BID and its head of security were not returned by press time; and on Thursday morning a receptionist declined to provide a phone number for the BID’s top cop. The Metropolitan Police Department similarly did not respond to a request for comment. We will update this post if we get a response.

Until then, we can only guess at the identities and intentions of these two shifty characters. The fox, for what it’s worth, bears a striking resemblance to Tails, the best friend of Sonic the Hedgehog. And anyone familiar with the duo knows that threatening a security guard in a Business Improvement District is way out of character for the humble flying fox. The threat to harm someone, however, could actually amount to a crime.

Throughout Wednesday, several people spotted the duo elsewhere in the District—standing on a street corner, riding what appears to be a Metro escalator—and shared their videos with meme queen @washingtonianprobs. Go check out their Insta story for more footage before it disappears.

And to the fox and friend, whoever you are, if you’re out there, hit us up. We need to know more: mryals@washingtoncitypaper.com.