I Wish Her Exes Had the Courage to Tell Her Their True Feelings

They expressed to me that they felt emasculated by her and that their self-esteem was shot.

I’m having a problem advising a friend. She’s been through a divorce and, now, the breaking off of an engagement. To put it simply, both relationships ended because she was cheated on and she has a zero-tolerance policy around infidelity. To complicate matters, in each relationship we—her friends—have witnessed her being very cutting to the […]

by Dan Savage

My Sixteen-Year-Old Son is Stealing Our Sex Toys

I want to give him a prepaid gift card and have him pick out what he wants from a reputable shop. Is there a better way to handle this?

I’m positive you’ve written something about this in the past. I have searched your archives but have only managed to find people arguing in the comments about this topic when what I want is your advice. My 16-year-old son is stealing our sex toys. My son took my husband’s handheld toy several months ago. I […]

by Dan Savage

Is It ‘Come’ or ‘Cum’?

And other linguistic debates.

As you can see by my signature, Dan, I’m a linguist. On your podcast, you frequently ask researchers “whatchyougot” on all kinds of sex- and romance-related questions. I thought maybe you’d be interested in some expertise on linguistic matters, too. And I have some on “cum,” “cumming,” and (shudder) “cummed.” The technical term here used […]

by Dan Savage

He Informed Me That He Deposited My Come From a Blowjob in my Half-Finished Casserole

Now, I cannot sleep and it is impossible for me to think of anything else. I wish he had never told me.

Something is bothering me and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m a bisexual man. I’ve been married to a great guy for the past six years. Despite COVID, we gathered safely for an outdoor Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my adult nieces and nephews and their […]

by Dan Savage

My Girlfriend Wants to See What Other Women Are Like

"She says the thought of me sleeping with other people turns her on, but the prospect of her sleeping with other people only makes me nervous."

I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend is bi. I’ve read your column and listened to your podcast for a long time, Dan, and I always thought I’d be fine with having a partner ask me about being monogamish. Then my girlfriend of about a year and a half told me she wants to see what other […]

by Dan Savage

Why Are Threesomes Much More Accepted Than Foursomes?

I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why foursomes are perceived as more taboo.

Why are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just Googling “finding foursomes” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why foursomes […]

by Dan Savage

Disclaimer: I’m an Extremely Jealous Person with Huge Trust Issues

My boyfriend works with a girl he used to fuck.

I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year. The only problem is that he works with a girl he used to fuck. It wasn’t just sex—they would go on dates and even went on vacation together. He kept this little “detail” to himself for six full months before giving himself […]

by Dan Savage

I Hate Sitting Here Feeling Like My Marriage Was a Lie

I made the mistake of looking at his messages on Instagram. He exchanged private images with hundreds of women and gay men all over the world.

My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person, and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident, but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It was one last love letter, […]

by Dan Savage

Our Friendship Is Killing Me

With him, I hold it together. Away from him, I cry all the time.

I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for 10 months. He told me he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners, and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me. With him, I hold it together. […]

by Dan Savage

We’ve Recently Both Come Out to Each Other as Bi

She tried to tell me a long time ago whereas I came to the realization only recently.

Married guy here. I’m 33, the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago whereas I came to the realization only recently. We’re both interested in new sexual encounters […]

by Dan Savage

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