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What’s going on in local Internet discussion groups

The Christian maxim “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is still alive in Mount Pleasant. On Sunday March 26, two cranks on Walbridge Place NW got into an argument about “religious beliefs,” according to a police report, which identifies them as Complainant 1 (C1) and Suspect 1 (S1). “S1 THEN GRABBED A TENNIS RACKET AND BEGAN TO HIT C1 OVER THE HEAD. S1 THEN GRABBED A 2×4 AND BEGAN TO STRIKE AT C1’S HANDS. S1 WAS PLACED UNDER [ARREST.]”

Don’t wear these shoes: A crime report reveals that a teenager leaving a Brightwood dollar store last Tuesday was trailed by five ne’er-do-wells who asked him “How much did your shoes cost?” and “Can I wear them?” A member of the group then tackled the teen and, presumably, is wearing those shoes today.