City Paper is not for tourists
Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.
CherrydaleCitizens No amount of neighborhood-pride parades or new developments named “Bromptons” can undo the damage done this week to North Arlington’s quaint façade. “Believe it or not, when driving back to work on Lee Highway after my exterminator appointment today, I saw a rat jump/fall out of a dump truck and run up the road, in front of Cherrydale Motors,” says one woman. And a man writes in to say he’s spotted larger unwanted animals in Cherry Valley Park: A homeless guy is living in the woods. “The police have been notified,” the man reports. “Those guys get all the good camping spots,” says a follow-up poster.
metromusicscene Local band Los Pimpos gives a bitch slap to the status quo by putting out a call for new vocalist and lead guitarist. “After a solid 2 year run Los Pimpos is ready to reinvent itself in 2006,” writes frederick_house, who is presumably a member of the “Jamiroquai, DMB, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sublime, 2 Skinnee J’s, Outkast, Steely Dan and Phish“–influenced group. But not just anybody is welcome to step up with the Illin’ Ones at their gigs at Zigs and Baltimore’s Hard Rock Cafe. Quality Number 4 in the Pimpos handbook for auditioners mandates that “You drink 40s on stage and start every show by pouring one out for your homies (not to be confused with ‘pulling one out’ for your homies…that’s just gay).” Gay like homosexual, not gay like the band’s song “KY (In Ya’ Brown Eye),” given text but sadly no sound on the Pimpos’ delicious Web site: “So have another drink we’ll laugh ‘til we’re delirious/I’ll be the hamster, you be Richard Geerious” and “I’m like a storm tropper when I’m heading for your pooper.”
Ward7 There’s a proper way to handle public urinations. Conveying emotion too strong for the confines of proper capitalization, Hillcrest resident Paul Savage unleashes on a group of people who piddled in front of his house. “THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE TO US! IT APPEARS TO US THAT DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA GOVERNEMT OFFICIALS STARTING WITH DPR DIRECTOR KIMBERLEY FLOWERS SEEM TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO INSULT LAW ABIDING CITIZENS IN HILLCREST AND ANC7B IN WARD 7!” That spurred poster Trish to offer a neat solution to future defacers of Savageland. “I once caught a man doing that near the corner store,” writes Trish. “I then loudly called him out and suggested that he do that against his mother’s house. He quickly stopped, zipped up and walked swiftly away.”
3DSubstation And then there are improper ways to handle public pissers, as this crime report makes clear: “An assault occurred on the 3500 blk of 13th St Nw at approximately 3:13 pm. Complainant reports that he told an unknown suspect not to urinate behind his apartment suspect became angry and pulled out a hatchet from under his shirt. Suspect chased complainant. There were no injuries to complainant and suspect was placed under arrest. Case closed with the arrest of Wilbert Jackson.”