Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

LDSAbstractSingles
When a guitar player performing a special musical number during a Mormon church service stops mid-strum, instructs the A/V guy to “plug me in,” and proceeds to rock out the hymn (think Marty McFly at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance), local Mormons wonder if you’re allowed to jam at sacrament meetings. “I’ve never seen anything like that,” one man writes. “The most I’ve ever seen is the spontaneous gospel choir jam. I think it was a testimony meeting, a family got up and, as a sign or appreciation to the ward, started to vocally rock out. We were cool with them after, but tried not to be too encouraging.” Another man wonders if the guitar was acoustic or electric. “I think [an acoustic guitar] would have a completly different effect than a solid body electric,” he writes. “THe Solid body is usually seen as the embodiment of evil by some people.” Says another, “Personally, I thought electric instruments weren’t allowed because people were trying to sleep during [church] and it would wake them up .” Later, a poster claims that according to a church handbook, guitars and brass instruments aren’t approved for chapel. And sometimes God decides to enforce the rule himself. “We had a french horn player in the Colonial Ward…[who] joked that it wasn’t really something you’d normally hear in an LDS chapel,” recalled another woman. “Then, while she was playing, lightning struck and our power went out. It was hilarious.”

cleveland-park
Cleveland Park residents finally notice the outrageous housing market. “Recently I have seen some postings on the list for Houses for Sale in our area,” a renter rants. “The list prices $900K+ for 3 bedroom houses are simply absurd….Do people living in the neighborhood really want to see it turn into an area where only millionaires can afford to live?” This prompts lessons in Introductory Economics (The prices are “not absurd—they are simply (unfortunately?) what the market will bear,” one man writes. “An object’s value is what someone is willing to pay for it.”) and History (“It’s important to realize that Cleveland Park was never an inexpensive place to live,” a woman writes). This is lost on a college student who works herself into a tizzy in a post titled, “Cleveland Park Realistate.” “I am a young person, who is just about to graduate from college, and my dream is to own a one bedroom condo in Cleveland Park sometime in the future,” she wails. “Right now I am renting a studio, and I believe that this is all that I will be able to afford in the neighborhood for the rest of my life! I refuse to move out to the Suburbs, let alone leave DC for some place like Texas!”

tenleytown
Residents of Tenleytown, also dealing with skyrocketing housing prices, are more concerned with the absence of a neighborhood library. “Where is the storefront library that was promised long ago as a temporary solution to the lack of a library in Tenleytown?” one resident wants to know. “Back on December 10th, a meeting was held on the Tenleytown library issue and Kathy Patterson and DC library officials indicated that an announcement about the storefront library was to be made very soon thereafter,” responds one man. “Every time I inquire about the storefront library, the answer is always ‘a lease is close to being signed,’” writes a woman. “I heard a rumor recently that a site at AU is a strong possibility, and yes, that a lease is close to being signed.” One resident isn’t holding his breath. “I suspect that the Baseball Stadium will be build and probably a year old before they even start on the Library,” he grumbles.