Here’s a helpful little Web page that will help you determine whether you will face instant annihilation, horrific flash burns, or merely delayed-onset radiation sickness in the event of a nuclear explosion in the D.C. area.

In one likely scenario—a 20-kiloton terrorist bomb exploding on the ground near the White House—we at City Paper would be subject to “flying debris…caused by the blast wave” at our offices in Adams Morgan.

If you live in Tenleytown or Deanwood, you’re golden!