Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

James, of Friends of Marie Reed, wrote to wax poetic about the elementary school’s sixth-grade-graduation festivities, followed up with a plea for donations. “Graduation day has always been very special at Marie Reed. For the sixth graders it is the proudest day of their young lives, and if you’ve ever witnessed the tears of joy, the bubbling excitement, the looks on the faces of their parents and teachers, you would agree there is no moment like this. It is our community at its very best!” Ed wasn’t buying it. “I thought a graduation ceremony was a reward for having obtained a degree or rreached a goal. 6th grade? get real,” he replied.

Things remain as highbrow as ever in Cleveland Park. John’s looking for someone to edify him on a couple of hot-button physics concepts. “I’m seeking an expert on Maxwell’s equations and entropy who might give me some personal guidance. I’m not a student and don’t have a course I need to pass, just a dilettante lawyer trying to clarify my internal disorder. I hope I don’t have to pay too much but I’m more than willing to make their time spent worthwhile in some creative way.”

Meanwhile, they went lowbrow in Palisades, with a spirited dog-shit debate. Patrick lead off: “I stepped in dog poop in my grass this morning on my way to work. I don’t own a dog. It’s a bit annoying. So could those of you with dogs please scoop your poop.” Aglue told Patrick to get over it. “I’ve stepped in plenty of poop before. Sucks. Finding a twig to dig out the poop from your shoe is the worst. Somehow though, I don’t think posting a message to this board will be effective in keeping poop off your shoe. As long as there are dogs in the world there will be owners that don’t scoop up after them…it’s a fact of life. I think I’ll pioneer a designer colostomy bag surgery for dogs. There’s a fortune to be made in that market.”