Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Who says Mormons are square? While boozing is a well-known no-no, and some Mormons won’t even set foot in a bar, a group of Colonial ward singles organizing a Family Home Evening (a Monday night gathering to talk gospel shop) are willing to ignore the debauchery at Whitlow’s on Wilson for the sake of cheap eats. “For those unfamiliar with the delights of WoW, it is a ‘college-esque’ beer and burger joint in Clarendon, and on Monday nights they offer half price hamburgers,” writes the organizer. “So dust off your ID…and come join us for lots of fun conversation and great burgers.” In a separate post, a single Mormon dude is—gasp—looking for fly honeys as roommates, another big no-no. “Hi, i’m looking for cool coed’s.…females down with living with a fun guy!” he writes. “I know there must be tons of cool girls okay with living with a guy(s)…as there seemed to be endless numbers of girls living with guys down at duck beach for a week(end). Cool girls need only respond. Thanks.”

The weekend’s crime reports are in. For some, robbery appears to be just another errand: “C1(H,M,21) AND C2(H,F,25) RPT S1 APPROACHED C1-2 AS S1 TALKED ON A CELL PHONE. S1 THEN TOLD THE PERSON ON THE PHONE, ‘HOLD ON.’ IN SPANISH. S1 THEN PULLED OUT A KNIFE AND IN SPANISH STATED, ‘GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT.’ C1-2 COMPLIED. S1 FLED WEST ON TAYLOR ST NW.”

While the city celebrated the Fourth of July, some Takoma Park residents were inside just waiting for it to end. “I’m writing to find out if anyone knows about a time limit for setting off fireworks in DC,” one woman writes. “Right now, it sounds like a war is going on outside our windows, and my three year old has his pillow wrapped around his head…and is scared stiff.” But some think folks need to loosen up a little. “It’s a festival,” writes another resident. “A celebration. Enjoy it. God knows, it should happen more often!” “Unfortunately this is really hard to do when you have a screaming child,” says another, who then offers a bit of advice: “My only suggestion with noise is to desensitize the child someway—allowing him or her to make sudden loud noises or to see them made so they become understandable. They seem to go on for weeks around here.”