Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

TMOTTGoGo Community Forum Board
Denizens of TMOTTGoGo—that’d be Take Me Out To The GoGo for all you knuckleheads—discuss the pertinent issues of the day. “LLEM,” says King. “LMMFAO,” says BUCKSHOT. “GTHOH!!!!!!!!” says Da Remixx. “MODEL JOANT!!!!!…Butta cranks.…WOW!!!!!!!!” says #02. “*chiggity*…Huh?” asks Hatee. “Pressed ass!” says Chipster. “WHAT HE SAID!!!!!,” says #02. “My GAWD woman!!!!! You don’t wanna know what I’ve saying over here!!,” says Jay113. “WHAT HE SAID AGAIN!!!!!!” repeats #02. “DAYUM RIGHT!!” says momma.honey. “to the utmost!!!!!!!!” says Da Remixx. “holllaaaaa!” asks Chipster. “SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDD!!!!!!” says Peaches_Baby. “lunch time,” says Xenobia.

Posts on this crime forum continue to suggest that Capitol Hill residents believe the earth, in fact, does revolve around a large, really cute golden retriever. “Saturday night in Marion Park, two police officers drew their guns when a friendly, non-barking dog ran towards them. One officer pointed the gun at the dog and the other waved his gun in the air,” writes kennedym. And that was wrong: “[W]hy would anyone, police or not, who is afraid of dogs walk through Marion Park in the evening, when so many people are walking their dogs? Is this a training issue?” PTLdogs, however, takes exception to the idea that dogs should have their own police force. “I [am] a 19 year resident of the District and the fact that you would even ask this question is troubling.…There is not a sign on the side of dogs that says ‘this one is friendly.’” In retort, kennedym posts the following Rules of Canine Engagement from the Humane Society of the USA: “Remain motionless, hands at your sides.…If the dog does attack, ‘feed’ him your jacket, purse, bicycle, or anything that you can put between yourself and the dog,” and “curl into a ball with your hands over your ears and remain motionless.” Got that, officer?

On Behalf Of Marilyn has people hanging out in front of her house drinking sack beers—they obviously need to go. “I’ve only had to do it a couple of times,” says Sharon, “but I’ve found playing classical music very loudly, with the speakers pointing toward the windows works very well.” And Richard takes the joke too far, suggesting a Barry Manilow assault. “[T]hen again,” he reconsiders, “listening to ‘Mandy’ over and over ought to set anybody on edge, regardless of their musical preferences.”