Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Kelly has a nonhairy dilemma: “I am a total bear ‘chaser’,” he writes on the board devoted to local Generation-X bears, “and were I more hairy I would be considered an otter. I am smooth though, and have found several bears that weren’t into me cuz I wasn’t hairy.” In his quest to transform into something “more bearish, and therefore more ‘woofy’ to other bears,” Kelly admits to considering taking some Rogaine and “slathering it on my chest and tummy to grow hair.” He ultimately turned down the idea—not because a nasty, greasy shirt might just turn off more men, but because of side effects such as hypertension. Kelly hopes to hear word about “a natural treatment of some type,” but like many afflicted by the baldness curse, finds depressingly few options. “I would say…power lifting, but there’s no real way to beat genetics,” writes Alex. Adds Aaron: “I would say either Chia pet or Miracle Grow.”

“Does anyone know,” asks aglue, “if it’s technically illegal to fashion a fire hydrant looking ‘thing’ and place it on a stretch of grass?…Imagine the parking options…anyone know?” Probably, replies John: “As long as the ‘stretch of grass’ is in your backyard, I don’t see a problem; but I’m guessing the stretch of grass you have in mind is [that] part of the public right-of-way where they put things like telephone poles, and, uh, fire hydrants. You will very likely need a permit to put /anything/ in the PROW.” When Bill asks where this fake hydrant might be, so he can take a photo and post it on a Flickr page, aglue quickly responds: “Doesnt exist…we’re just talkin…”

A posse of highly aggressive robbers with lowly goals apparently rode into town. On the 1100 block of McKenna Walk NW on Oct. 28, according to a police report, two women at home “report hearing a knock. One answered the door and observed the two suspects outside, one handing the other a handgun. One suspect pushed the door open knocking the victim back. The other suspect shoved the victim in the face and entered the home stealing a slim jim, soda, and a honey bun before fleeing.”