City Paper is not for tourists
Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.
columbia_heights Listserv slam poet Halyadoing wants your vote. “Dear Voter-peoples, Please don’t settle for the same status quotes. Give me your votes. Write on your ballots: Halyadoing? Just Fine! That will ease your mind. We will have four fun years. Picking cotton out our ears. Doing the hand jive for our peers. Raising our glasses and yellin ‘cheers.’ Debating marriage for the—oops—don’t want to lose the gay vote. Just kidden Miss Thang. You aw-ite with me! Halyadoing loves the ladies and you ain’t no competition. So put down your petition. I give you permission to stroll down to the Mission and get yo freak on like nuclear fission.…I’m Halyadoing. And I approve this massage.” And with that post, Halyadoing apparently lost the Dave vote: “I don’t think he’s old enough to run for office,” he sneers.
FriendsOfSligoCreek A real friend of Sligo Creek resurfaces after a long absence. “15 or 20 years ago, a guy used to hang around Sligo Creek Park in back [of] my house on Dublin Drive, 1/4 mile north of Forest Glen,” writes Joe. “He wore a ragged dress and looked really weird. He spooked our kids, who were small at the time, so much they would not go into the park. One neighbor claimed to have seen him behind her house naked, but other than that we had no indication that he was doing anything illegal.” He disappeared, but then, last week, “we saw him again in the same place, wearing a ragged dress with his slip showing. Does anyone know anything about him?”
DC-Area-Cacophony Goddess Santa is upset at the Santarchists behind Santa Crawl. Specifically, on the Crawl’s Web site, the rules on “Women” state: “Not allowed, unless you meet them on the crawl, and then you have to share them with the other Single Santas. Don’t bring your wife, girlfriend, a girl that your thinking about seeing, a girl that’s a friend, a girl that’s a friend that happens to live in Baltimore or Maryland, don’t bring or invite anyone that’s not a dude. Oh and don’t assume that it’s cool to have your wife/girlfriend show-up late in the evening, or at the last bar.” Goddess Santa thinks this blanket ban warrants action: “We could get a group of counter-santas and meet up around 8:00 pm and track down the sexist santas—then PICKET THEM!” However, after some discussion, the wild-’n’-wacky cacophonists decide that picketing isn’t really their style. So alternatives are posted, ranging from “chase them with lots of dildos” to showing up as “topless women Santas,” because that “would confuse them.” To which Louis responds: “Yep!…Ain’t nothing a misogynist hates as much as getting to see boobs without putting any actual effort into it.”