Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

PL forwards an e-mail that’s been making the listserv rounds warning residents of a “NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS (NOT A JOKE!).” Cue the creepy music: “You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off.” Wait—there’s more! “They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.” Jesus. OK. But that’s it, right? “I’ll bet your purse is still in the car.” Sure it is, but that’s no reason to get snide with me. “So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!” Fine—no need to get hysterical; just tell me how to avoid this situation. “If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away, remove the paper later and be thankful that you read this e-mail.” Thanks in advance.

Tired of reading one-off messages about lost cats in your nabe ’Net group? Looking for something more substantial than “Need a good handyman”? Well, Hilary near H Street sure knows how to spice things up: Just tell the group that you hear Trader Joe’s has been prospecting in the area (“?!?!”). “There were some bring-TJs-to-the-Hill petitions a few years back that lost out to the NW store…but now I hear that the success of the NW store has them actively scouting for their next spot in our neck of the woods…so I am daring to get my hopes up again.” Perhaps in hopes of inciting a chat-room riot, Chris asks, “Geez, how can we stop this development. The last thing this neighborhood needs is the development of a TJ or a HT. We want organic growth. Small business. We must stop them all!!!!” But the moderator warns not to take the bait: “the person who made that comment has a ‘history’ of such. It’s more about a kind of incitement, smart a** way of writing.”

In a post entitled “Roving Gang of Kids last night damaging cars and terrorizing citizens,” Truxtonresident provides further proof that the kids who hang near Dunbar Senior High School have no regard for the warning labels on fire extinguishers. “I called 911 regarding a roving gang of kids on N Street NW who were fighting and setting off fire extinguishers at cars and people walking up the block. MPD responded (it looks like) in 10 minutes but instead of going down N Street at Dunbar High School – where the kids were, the MPD cruisers high-tailed down N Street towards 4th and 5th Streets.” First District Commander Diane Groomes explains that those cops were headed to a different corner to address a far more depressing scene of mayhem. “A ROBBERY CAME OUT IN THE UNIT BLOCK OF N STREET WHERE BOTH 1D AND 5D OFFICERS RESPONDED – TWO MEN WERE ARRESTED FOR ROBBING THE MAN IN THE VAN FOR ‘SOME.’” Presumably, that’s “So Others May Eat,” the nearby community group that feeds the homeless.