I gotta say I’m concerned that not one but two of our longtime contributors have discovered tainted peanut butter in their larders. On Friday, Cheap Seats columnist Dave McKenna discovered he’d been risking salmonella Tennessee’s dastardly effects; theater critic Trey Graham reported two tainted jars at his house the next day.

This obviously raises a number of disturbing questions. No one gets rich writing at this paper, of course, but are we forcing cherished content providers to subsist on a diet of recall-prone factory food? (NB, folks: You can grind your own peanut butter at Whole Foods for a reasonable price; honey-roasted peanuts are a yummy option.)

UPDATE (2/21): Former Staff Writer Dave Jamieson, who’s technically dead to us anyway, reports that he had “crushed about six PBJ’s before I noticed the magic numbers. Now, I fear nothing.” At this point, we’re just going to assume that everyone on the staff is one lunch away from oblivion.