City Paper is not for tourists
Last night in Wonderland‘s beer garden, a drunken man chased his friends. He wanted them to hear the jokes he was telling, loudly: “What does a gay horse say? Haaaaaay. What does a straight horse eat? Haaaaaay. Three men were standing at the pearly gates. No, you listen to me. Three men were standing at the pearly gates…”
The other guys fled him from table to table, ducking under the benches. Anyone would want to get away from that. But Horse Guy and his posse settled at my table.
After several minutes of “_Haaaaay, haaaaay, haaaaay,” Horse Guy hurled an ashtray, and it shattered in front of a long-haired man in a Mickey Mouse jacket. Horse Guy just sat with a smug look as Mickey Guy started to get up. The posse tried to save him:
“Say you’re sorry!”
“Just say you’re sorry, man!”
And finally Horse Guy turned around. “Are…you…serial?” he slurred.
“I’m pretty serial, man,” Mickey Guy said.
Murmuring apologies, praising Mickey Guy’s kindness, Horse Guy’s friends led him out.
A half-hour later, Horse Guy leaned over the fence and asked us to hit him. Mickey Guy jabbed a cigarette at his nose, but he wouldn’t fight. A man standing nearby wouldn’t either, not even when Horse Guy tried to involve him in a game of push-and-shove. Then the bouncer got in Horse Guy’s face, and he looked as if he would do it, he would really land that one good slug.
But he didn’t.
“Can you just understand?” Horse Guy said. “Can you just understand me?”
He kicked the fence loud enough for everyone to hear it.