According to a press release received by City Desk this morning, the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. is now open. About goddamn time!

Perhaps you might remember the clinic, and its proprietor, Dr. Christopher A. Warner, from a piece in the Post Health section a couple of months back. Perhaps not.

The LVRI’s signature service, according to its Web site, is “Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation® (LVR®),” which “enhances vaginal muscle tone, strength, and control. It decreases internal and external vaginal diameters, and builds up and strengthens the perineal body (the area immediately outside the vagina and above the anus), all of which greatly promotes female, sexual gratification.”

Why, pray tell, might someone be interested in laser vaginal rejuvenation? Well:

According to Dr. Warner, a relaxed vagina can be likened to that of a balloon. Blow the balloon up and immediately release the air. The balloon does not retain its original shape or form. The same is true of the vagina. In time, it becomes loose and weak.

And you wouldn’t want that to happen to your balloon/vajayjay. Full press release after the jump.

Image: “Red Canna,” Georgia O’Keeffe, 1923

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: SHARON WARNER MEDIA RELATIONS DIRECTOR Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. Phone: (202) 429-9317 E-Mail: APPLEBOMB@AOL.COM

Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C.

WASHINGTON D.C. May 16, 2007– Dr. Christopher Warner, M.D., FACOG. of Washington D.C, is pleased to announce the opening of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. Dr. Warner is introducing the newest in laser procedures for women who want the most out of their sex lives. The revolutionary techniques of Dr. Warner have been used successfully to enhance sexual gratification and the aesthetic appearance of the vulvar structures in over 4,000 women in all 50 states and 30 countries.

For many women, the search for a better sexual experience has been a life-long quest. Magic pills, creams and various physical exercises have long touted their sexual enhancement claims to no avail. “As a woman’s body experiences child birth and the natural aging process, the muscles and ligaments surrounding the vagina can become weakened or relaxed causing decreased sexual gratification,” says Christopher Warner, M.D, FACOG, Founder of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C, , “Because sexual gratification for the woman is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated during intercourse. The LVR® procedure restores strength to the vaginal canal that results in more friction and a better sexual experience.”

According to Dr. Warner, a relaxed vagina can be likened to that of a balloon. Blow the balloon up and immediately release the air. The balloon does not retain its original shape or form. The same is true of the vagina. In time, it becomes loose and weak. During LVR®, Dr. Warner tightens relaxed vaginal muscles as well as removes excess tissue resulting in a decreased diameter or vaginal canal. The procedure is performed partly with a specialized laser that helps with precision cutting, minimizes bleeding and bruising, and, ultimately, promotes healing. After the laser is used to provide access to the muscles and support tissues of the vagina, these tissues are brought back together with absorbable sutures that strengthen the muscles and enhance their tone.

LVR® is a one-hour outpatient procedure and most patients can return to daily life within five to seven days. LVR® can also be used to help women who suffer from urinary incontinence. “The LVR® procedure was developed from listening to hundreds of women’s concerns about their sex life,” adds Dr. Warner. “LVR® helps empower women with knowledge, choice, alternatives, and ultimately..better sex!”