Behold the Suzuki X-90 4×4. It’s got the “X” thing going, so you know it’s rad. But what’s the “4×4” mean? Total square centimeters of space? The only off-roading you’re gonna do in one of these is time spent in the garage. And that spoiler on the back? Puh-leeze!

And, seriously, if you’re going to be selfish enough to buy a two-seater, at least buy an actual sports car. This thing looks like a child’s drawing of a car that somehow wound up on the assembly line.

Against all evidence, The X-90 was marketed as a “small SUV.” But it didn’t sell much and disappeared from showrooms in 1998. To bolster my headline, note that in 2004, the U.K. magazine Top Gear called the X-90 the worst car of all time.

For the record, I drive the unhippest car in America, the Chevy Cavalier. The Cav was sanctioned as such in the hippest film of 1996, Swingers. You remember the scene: the hipsters attend a “model party” in the Hollywood hills and a model asks Jon Favreau, “What car do you drive?” “Cavalier,” he jauntily replies. The models just turn and walk away without a word as Favreau calls out impotently, “But it’s red!” My Cavalier is red, too. My date that night laughed and laughed and laughed.

So, what car do you drive?