Want to ride the MARC train for cheap? Here’s how you do it, according to Raymond, who got on at the New Carrollton stop Tuesday night, bragging about his $3 ticket: You go to your doctor, have him write up a letter, get yourself a disability card.

Raymond, who is 38, looks pretty fit. I ask him what’s wrong with him.

“I got arthritis,” he says, “and a glass eye.”

I stare at his face. Sure enough, one of his eyes looks a half-shade less green than the other. He points at the left one.

No way, I say, trying to be nice, as if both eyes look the same. Raymond pops the falsie out of his face, rolls it in his palm, spreads his socket so I can check the void. Then he tells me how he did it, how when he was six he was playing cowboys and Indians and his buddy (the Indian) fashioned a twig arrow and fired it into his face.

What can you say to that? Did it hurt? I ask.

“Hell yes, it hurt,” he says, looking at me as if I was the one with an eyeball rolling around in my hand.

Raymond has had this particular glass eye for more than 10 years. It’s a good one, he says. Moves in your face like a real eye, but doesn’t go off all cockeyed or fog up like cheaper ones. Cost him $2,500. He has another one, a crummy one. He keeps it in a jar at home just in case.

“This is the Mercedes of glass eyes,” he says. “I can slam it on the ground, it wouldn’t break. It’s bulletproof.”