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Editor’s Note: Earlier this year, Justin wrote Iceland, a blog about his band’s American tour. Justin isn’t on tour anymore, but Iceland continues, twice a week, on City Desk.
“What is an error?” asked the party who had accompanied me to RFK Stadium on Friday to watch the Washington Nationals battle the San Diego Padres.
“An interesting question!” I exclaimed. “An error occurs when a fielder fails to successfully complete a play that, under normal circumstances, he should be able to successfully complete.” I pointed to the scoreboard. “‘E’ stands for ‘errors.’ Heretofore, in this game, there have been no errors, though I feel that Nationals second baseman Felipe Lopez should have thrown out Adrian Gonzalez at first base in the top of the third inning. In my opinion, Lopez’s failure to throw Gonzalez out represents an error, though the umpires present did not deign to label it as such.”
“So, assigning an error is a subjective process?” my friend asked.
“Indeed,” I said. “Like beauty, an error is in the eye of the officiate beholder.”
My friend frowned at the scoreboard. “Does Major League Baseball and its aging fanbase support this horrifying brand of public humiliation?” she pressed.
“Indeed,” I said. “But, as Tom Hanks informed us in A League of Their Own, there is no crying in baseball.” My delight at my clever allusion to Hanks’ filmic repetoire was cut short by a strange pressure on my leg. I looked down. My wallet chain had slid into a crack into my seat, restricting lower body movement.
“I have made an error,” I concluded. “Improbably, my wallet chain has slid into the crack in this seat. Now, this chain cannot be removed.”
My friend produced a tube of lip moisturizer. “Perhaps if you grease your wallet chain with this lip moisturizer, you will be able to remove it from the seat,” she suggested.
I regarded the tube of lip moisturizer and frowned. “The relatively low cost of this mere wallet chain cannot justify the greasy plan you have proposed to salvage it,” I said. “In any case, other wallet chains can be obtained for low prices at Hot Topic.”
My friend shrugged and turned away. Regretfully, I removed my wallet chain from my belt. The chain dangled uselessly in the crack of Seat 6, Row 315. I turned my face to heaven, and, thinking of the poor soul who would have to finesse this wallet chain from the crack in this seat, offered a silent prayer to the troublesome god who had created Major League Baseball and alternative fashion accessories.