Among all the grief I received for suggesting what snacks to sneak into the movies—-including a beat down from the boss—-I did receive this little CARE package from an organization called the Consultants International Group Inc. The package included a rocking prosciutto di Parma cap (made in China).

Also included was a letter from one Elizabeth Janoschka, title not provided, who wrote:

As the US advisors to the Consorzio del Prosciutto di Parma, we really liked your suggestion that people go to pick up some Prosciutto di Parma to snack on during the movies. However, we would not want to be the guy sitting next to you, given the mix of smells and possible mess that you could wreak upon us.

Be sure to wear this token of our appreciation next time you go to Vace Italian Delicatessen, and then to the movies.

You know, Elizabeth, I think you’ve hit upon the secret of movie theater concessions: They don’t want to sell any item that actually smells good because it may distract an audience long enough to realize how rank Live Free or Die Hard really is.