Lunchtime Heads-up: California Tortilla—the Rockville-based fast-food burrito chain serving Washington, D.C., and a handful of lucky states along the East Coast—is celebrating its “Five Million Burrito” anniversary today by giving any customer who orders an entrée a coupon for a free burrito. Granted, the coupon can only be used on a future visit, but that’s better than having to wait until you’ve got seven stamps on your Bonus Burrito Card—and it’s a hell of a lot more tantalizing than the idea of shelling out your hard-earned bucks for some Shitstack Supreme from Chipotle.

Editor’s Note: The above endorsement of California Tortilla is based only on the writer’s authoritative taste in fast-food burrito joints and in no way represents the views of the Washington City Paper. Any mental and/or emotional anguish suffered by patrons of Chipotle, Baja Fresh, or any other purveyor of inferior specialty burritos is, in fact, your own fault for having piss-poor taste—and is certainly not City Desk’s responsibility.