City Paper is not for tourists
Attention, all low-flying pigeons at Champlain and Euclid Sts. NW: I am going to punch you right in your ugly fucking bird face.
It’s bad enough that you are diseased rats with wings, but I can tolerate that much because it’s not your fault that you are diseased rats with wings—-it’s God’s fault. I’ll take that up with him when I finally croak, but I would like that inevitable meeting not to be the result of some stupid, ugly, diseased fucking pigeon flying into my eye. So, the next time you see me walking through your little concrete park gathering area, stay the hell away from me. You will know it is me because I will be the angry-looking guy with the Subway bag in one hand (Eat Fresh) and the other hand cocked and ready to punch any pigeon that flies by.
And you know what? Fuck your high-flying pigeon friends, too. I will jump off of a building and drop kick them in their bird asses until they explode. I am 1000% awesome and pigeons suck.