The other day, my roommate and I were reminiscing over our junior high days when she let slip an interesting fact: At her school, Monroe Traditional Alternative Middle School of Colombus, Ohio, the administration would throw school dances during lunch. All students were required to wear their uniforms. Faculty would roam the gymnasium with rulers to ensure that dancers’ bodies writhed at least a foot apart. The cost was $7. Everybody paid. I believe that my roommate described the scenario as “lame.”

Lame? Fuck that! Young people get everything cool, and they never realize how good they have it. They get naptime-that’s “lame.” They have meals bought and prepared for them, and all they have to do is sit down at a kitchen table and eat it all-also “lame.” Now, they get to have a dance party in the middle of the day? All I get to do in the middle of the day is file blogs about how I wish I were at a dance party!

Let’s go, working stiffs. Nooner dance party. If we can get this, surely we can get our hands on a ruler.

Take it away, Minogue.