Dude,

When I exited my modest basement apartment this morning to find this melted hunk of plastic accompanied by a glorious array of charred, rotting filth adorning my sidewalk, I thought, “Hey, that actually looks pretty sweet”:

I also thought, “That beauty is going to be here for fucking ever.” How am I expected to dispose of that thing, dude? Put it in my other trash can?

That’s some trash can-nibalistic bullshit, dude.

Sincerely,

Amanda Hess