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This noon, I went out to lunch at Ruby’s with a family member. We quickly sussed out our options on the awesome Ruby’s menu and ordered. The server took no notes and went away.

Later, the botched order arrived at our table. I’d ordered a turkey burger with a slice of mushroom on top. Instead, I got a turkey burger with guacamole and bacon. Since I had no time to spare, I didn’t make a fuss, nor did I break my policy of tipping at least 20 percent. I just removed the guacamole and bacon and ate the thing. A turkey burger is a turkey burger, after all, and Ruby’s is Ruby’s. (Awesome, that is.)

But still. Though I don’t eat out all that often, I’ve done it enough to say that servers who attempt to memorize orders—even from small parties—register an error rate in the neighborhood of 83.2 percent. The whole I-can-memorize thing is kind of a stunt, an act of professional arrogance. And it just never works. Well, it works onluy 16.8 percent of the time.