City Paper is not for tourists
Yesterday, ABC announced its newest contestants for the hit show Dancing with the Stars. As soon as I saw the headline, something dawned on me. The ideal competitor for the show lives right within our city. That’s right: Marion Barry.
I can honestly say I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars. Still, I get the basic premise, which is pretty evident from the title itself. As it was once pitch-perfectly described to me, the dance competition program is “second-rate celebrities dancing around”—essentially “the cultural gutter.”
What I know about the show, I’ve acquired from my E! news television viewing (the bottom-feeders of the cultural gutter). Gradually over the years, Stars has managed to lure in some better-known celebs. Sure, they’re still washed-up has-beens. But some of them were pretty damn big at one point. Last year, they got a Spice Girl, who had Eddie Murphy‘s baby. Double has-been points!
But, Barry would be better. I dare anyone to think of someone (locally-based) who is more qualified. I mean this guy is the ultimate comeback kid! He’s got a crazy downfall story. Crack. An undercover FBI investigation. A jail sentence. He rose to national fame in the 1990s (a prime Stars qualification). And now, he’s back. According to his own bio, the people’s mayor can’t “even walk down the streets or enter an establishment” without someone recalling that Barry gave them their first summer job. Sure he’s not an actual comeback kid anymore. But, he would probably look relatively dapper in a tux. Has the show ever had a politician? Time to act ABC.