My otherwise brilliant colleague Andrew Beaujon is pretty awful at predicting the future. I, however, am utterly confident in how the rest of the Nats season is gonna go. Downhill. Forever.

Paul Lo Duca will make self-lacerating proclamations about how he needs to do better at the plate. And then he won’t do it. Ryan Zimmerman will continue to be the face of the franchise, but proceed to bat his weight. Shawn Hill will return as a starting pitcher, but by the end of the season his ERA will be 20.00—which, in a cruel irony, will match the number of people attending the final 2008 home game at Nationals Park. What was that about long lines at the Ben’s Chili Bowl stand?

The Nationals will lose every game for the remainder of the season. Trust me.

(Disclosure: I’m actually not very good at predicting the outcomes of sporting events. Whenever I participate in March Madness brackets, I wind up picking the wrong Cinderella team, and back in 1985 I was positive the Bears would win Super Bowls for years and years in a row. I was just a kid then, though, and I should’ve known that Mike Ditka‘s ill-advised decision to pursue a career as a rapper would lay his team low.)