WTOP is reporting that a few councilmembers are pushing to have defibrillators in the schools. Councilmembers Thomas and Bowser plan to introduce legislation today; they’d like a study on the issue as well. Now let me adopt the thoughts of a hysterical parent:

But just imagine what the kids will do to these machines! Kids could get ahold of these things and shock themselves! It could turn into a new kind of drug! Remember when kids were choking themselves! It was on “Oprah!” This could be a new game! I don’t want my kid on “Oprah!”

Fire extinguishers have long been exploited for hilarity. Fire alarms get punched all the time. What will happen when kids get ahold of the defibrillators? What will happen when teachers refuse to use them on a kid?

*apologies for the terrible headline.