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Filmfest D.C. kicked off yesterday with a schedule full of foreign films. How fancy. But if you’re a true patriot, you might want to wait for The Second Annual GI Film Festival, to be held May 14th—-18th at the Carnegie Institution for Science.

The festival will offer screenings of such military-themed fare as The Marine and Gods and Generals along with panel discussions and VIP after-parties with filmmakers, military types, and celebrities. The festival will also include a WWE Stars Autograph Session.

But oh, the celebrities!

The festival has slated appearances from such A-listers as Gary Sinise, Robert Duvall and—-are you listening ladies?—-James Franco.

Sinise and Duvall, yeah, fine. But oh, Franco, your mild appeal knows no bounds!

James Franco, I have followed your career intermittently and with vague interest since you first caught my eye as the diamond in Judd Apatow’srough. I have since perused your IMDB profile perhaps half a dozen times, keeping abreast of your artistic achievements, from made-for-TV-biopic James Dean (oh, how you kind of resemble him!)to the upcoming Gus Van Sant vehicle Milk(ah, how you reportedly take your clothes off!)

But I must admit that while I watched with interest your performances in Spider Man 2, and, improbably, The Wicker Man, I have yet to see any of the films that might indicate why you are involved in the GI Film Festival (notably, 2006’s Annapolis). Perhaps I will catch one of your military-themed offerings during this Second Annual GI Film Festival. Perhaps I will, instead, guess wildly at what D.C. bar you might decide to frequent during the festival, and sit there, alone, until I am inevitably forced to leave.

Ah, I see that you are scheduled for a Q&A session following a screening of World War I action-adventure Flyboys on Saturday, May 17. I have but one question: James Franco, do you sometimes cut yourself on your own cheekbones?

Photo by David Shankbone.