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Learn-a-palooza is coming! If you missed its maiden voyage last year, you can check it out Saturday, May 10. It’s a daylong Everything for Dummies workshop fair, where you can learn or teach just about anything. Here are my top five offerings this year:

1. How to Find Gay Men in the City: A Fag Hag’s Guide to DC (5 p.m., Potter’s House, 1658 Columbia Rd. NW)

2. How to Teach Philosophy to 1st – 3rd Grade Students (4 p.m., Potter’s House)

3. How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket (1 p.m., Affinity Lab, 2451 18th St. NW 2nd Floor)

4. Driving on Waste Veggie Oil (12 p.m., Hoopla DC, 2314 18th Street NW)

5. Stretching Your Own Canvas (3:30 p.m., D.C. Arts Center, 2438 18th St. NW)

There are also lots of workshops on eco-living and financial management. Notably absent from the current list are yoga and bike maintenance workshops, which were all but promised in the propaganda and kind of seem like a no-brainer for this kind of DIY anarchist up-with-community blowout. Ten to one they appear on the list before the big day.

There will, however, be workshops for the hipster-challenged on “How to Dance at a Party” and “How to Build a Facebook Application.”

You can sign up on their website to teach a workshop on anything you want. No, really: anything.