Dear Marx Cafe:

Last night, I was stuck. I was hungry and I desperately wanted to watch the election returns. I picked your establishment because a) you were relatively empty and b) you had CNN on two out of three TVs. And I live near you.

I hate to say this but I regret this decision. Why you decided to pipe in bland adult contemporary alternative [think a Dawson’s Creek episode where Pacey drops some bad E] instead of the shout-y mantones of Wolf Blitzer is beyond me. Didn’t you hear that last night was the last real primary night loaded with delegate-rich states? Didn’t you hear that last night could have been—-and probably was—-a real game changer? Didn’t you hear that Indiana had been changed from a too-early-to call status to a too-close-to-call status?

Even if you don’t scan TPM every five minutes, you should at least have been able to give me the closed-caption option after I requested it. There are nerds out there. They can be your audience too. I am one of them.

Live up to your name. Why call yourselves Marx Cafe if you’re gonna make patrons watch the Celtics game? Why call yourselves Marx Cafe if Indiana is still Very Much In Play and you decide to flick off CNN for “Dancing with the Stars?”

What the hell was that?

You didn’t even ask me what I thought of your selection. If you had asked, I would have suggested that MSNBC’s political team would have been the better choice. I would have told you that its anchor had just been featured on the cover of the New York Times magazine, that the channel is almost hip. I would have told you also that even Morning Joe holds up as web-only reruns.

Instead, you made me think about watching “stars” try to “dance.”

I will end this now. I don’t think I need to mention the food since you appear to treat it as an afterthought. I’m sure whatever voluntary agreement you have does not include having to make a decent veggie burger.

Anyway, please keep in mind that there are still some primaries left. I hear Oregon is going to be the next game changer.

Sincerely,

J.C.