Dan Snyder’s hobbled theme park chain, Six Flags, just can’t buy good news.

Kaitlyn Lasitter, a Kentucky teen whose feet were chopped off during a visit last summer to Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, came to Capitol Hill this month to lobby Congress to approve federal oversight of theme parks.

The incident on the Superman Tower of Power ride left her without a left leg below the knee and, though doctors were able to surgically re-attach one foot, with minimal mobility.

According to a USA Today report on her appearance, Lasitter told the federal lawmakers that she now “fears for her life when she gets in a car or elevator.”

Lasitter has also given testimony in a lawsuit she’s filed against Six Flags.

No thrill ride provides more chills than that testimony, as transcripts of depositions from Lasitter and witnesses to the incident are periodically released to the media.

Lasitter had previously testified that she remembered “feeling like I was on fire and smelling burning flesh.”

Good god.

Now the Louisville Courier Journal has printed the account from a witness who was on the Superman Tower of Power during the tragedy, who recalls that “as the ride dropped, he saw one of Kaitlyn’s feet fall into a canopy.”

Gooder godder.

When the ride was stopped, the witness, whose name was not printed by the paper because of his age, realized that he had Lasitter’s “blood on his hands and arms.”

Goodest goddest.

Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder’s Six Flags soap opera.