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I think this may be a brilliant idea: John McLaughlin should take over as the new host of Maury Povich, or really, of any of those bitch fight/who’s the daddy shows. Povitch looks a little tired. He doesn’t have any control. He just lets his guests’ natural energy run wild.

McLaughlin might be a bit bewildered at first. But then he would be decisive. He would yell louder than any fat lady. And he would freeze the screaming banshees with his jowly glare and ask unforgiving questions, like, maybe: “How many men were you sleeping with when you claim this man fathered your child?” If the woman swears there was just one, he might respond as he recently did to Eleanor Clift: “Oh come, come, come. … That sounds like such pious twaddle.” If the man really was the daddy, McLaughlin would weigh in with wisdom. He’d say the man was a good-for-nothing jerk. “He’s a jerk. He’s an ultra-jerk. He’s the number one jerk in the house.” Then he’d prove his point: “On a scale of 0 to 10—with 0 representing zero possibility and 10 representing metaphysical certitude—what is the chance of the jerk paying child support?”

I’m less confident about how well Maury would handle the tempers back on the Group: Eleanor Clift and Monica Crowley might sprout acrylic nails.