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Dear Mayor Fenty,

I caught your appearance last night on NewsTalk with Bruce DePuyt. You were, at the time, talking about schools, saying things about, well, I don’t know what you were saying specifically because I could not get past the shine on your head. I mean, it was impressive. I could see myself in the glare of that thing. It appeared you had oiled your head before going on camera. Either that, or you and Dave had just gotten off your bike built for two. What I am saying is that you need to tell your people to tell the people over at News Channel 8 that they need to stock up on some talc if you’re going to be stoppping by. I’m not anti-bald. I like bald. My father is bald. But if you want me to listen to your bland soundbytes, you’ve got to do something about that shiny pate.

Thanks for listening. Your friend,