Fireworks! Applesauce! The Sun! Harmless summer delights, or opportunities for gruesome injury? Independence Day weekend is a good time to sit back and remember that no one is ever safe. I surveyed the CP offices to see who’s still hurting.

CP Staffer: Angela Valdez, Staff Writer Casualty: Bug bites (two) Zone of Pain: Right calf; right knee (underside) Management: “Itching and complaining.” Life Lesson: Two bug bites are really not that many bug bites, Angela.

CP Staffer: Jane Martinache, Ad Coordinator Casualty: Sunburn Zone of Pain: Back of neck Management: External: aloe; internal: alcohol Life Lesson: “Spraying on sunscreen as you walk into the water decreases its effectiveness.”

CP Staffer: Me, Staff Writer Casualty: Deep cut from broken applesauce jar Zone of Pain: Side of right foot, below the ankle bone Management:Butterfly bandages; calling my Dad to ask what to do; blood, blood everywhere Life Lesson: Your Dad may tell you you should go to an urgent care center, but what does you Dad know about medicine anyway? He’s not a doctor.

CP Staffer: Loki, Dog Casualty: Scared by scary noises Zone of Pain: Big ol’ dog ears Management: Hiding. “Some dogs can deal with it. Loki just can’t.” – Web Application Architect Joshua Lieb, Friend Life Lesson: In the world of Dog, scary noises are everywhere. (See: thunder, neighbor’s motorcycle)

CP Staffer: Ted Scheinman, Online Producer Casualty: Hit by firework shrapnel; “subjected to wretched 80’s jams at Cantina Marina.” Zone of Pain: Leg; delicate musical sensibilities honed by early childhood piano, violin, and clarinet lessons Management: None. The cardboard firework discharge, which hit at “close to a flutter,” left no mark; not a single miserable jam remains in Scheinman’s memory Life Lesson: “I block the painful stuff out, I suppose. Not a bad survival mechanism.”

Photo by YouDooAllous