We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.

Dogs just shouldn’t have to poop in litter boxes.

I know you. You bought this cute little pricey dog. You can tuck it under arm. Put it in a purse. Whatever. But no matter how small, you shouldn’t force it to crap in a box made for cats.

Maybe dear reader, you’re wondering: Do people, sophisticated people renting in the Capital of the Free World, actually force dogs to poo in boxes? Yes. They do. I’ve seen it. And it’s disgusting.

Think sweaty sausages coated in sand. Think glistening ice cream smeared in gravel. And it smells like dog poop. Do you think a dog likes crapping in a little box? Do you think a dog doesn’t like going outside for a nice walk? Are you that lazy that you can’t take your freaking dog for a jaunt around the block? People: Please stop torturing dogs this way!

Cats produce little pellets. Dog poop is more like human poop. It belongs outside wrapped in a plastic Safeway bag—-not chilling out in your closet.

While on my apartment search last week, I noticed two things about a Columbia Heights one-bedroom: a little barky dog and a litter box filled with dog turds in a hall closet. I did not sign a lease for that apartment. I don’t care if the dog and the box would disappear, if the same construction crew that built Nationals Park would buff and scrub the place. That dog scene was serious bad karma.

So dog owners, again, please let your pooches crap outside. It will not only improve your dog’s health but the housing market.