Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Last week, I wrote my Show & Tell column about two goth nights, Spellbound and Midnight, held within blocks of each other on Saturday nights in Farragut North. A few of the comments on the piece accused me of kicking up some controversy within the goth scene with my side-by-side comparison of the competing events. “Shame on you, city paper,” wrote one reader. “Nothing informative about the djs, the promoters, the spaces….but such emphasis on stirring up ‘goth scene drama.'”

For those commenters’ benefit, I’ve drafted this totally innocuous* report of L Street’s basement goth scene.

The Dark Nights: Inside L Street’s Dueling Peaceably Co-Existing Goth Parties

On Saturday nights, there are two places where you can go to dress up like a goth and hang out with other people dressed up like goths: Midnight and Spellbound. They are really close together and both have great DJs, promoters, and spaces. Did you know that Midnight is just as good as Spellbound, and that both are just as good as any other goth party that’s ever existed anywhere, and any other goth party that’s ever existed anywhere is just as good as any other niche scene event that’s ever existed anywhere? It’s true. Insider tip: Spellbound and Midnight love each other so much that they are going to get married. But don’t take my word for it. Ask the goths!

A goth: “Midnight has cake. But sometimes I don’t want cake. Sometimes I do, though. I just can’t choose!”

Another goth: “Both are so great!!!!!1”

Now for a more comprehensive inventory of how great they both are:

Midnight: Great.

Spellbound: Same.

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* completely untrue