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Until this weekend, I thought the Washington City Paper had really cornered the market on news about D.C. -area young drunkies and things they do while drinking.

Now, I’m not sure.

Behold this month’s Washingtonian magazine, which includes a story that—-I kid you not—-features these things:

  • A lead image of a girl (kind of chubby) giving a lap dance to a drummer.
  • This first quote: “I just made out with a blonde!”
  • A main character named Easy E.
  • A photograph of a fridge with nothing but beer. JUST BEER. Where are the proteins? Where are the legumes? Where is the local B-list celebrity smiling nearby?
  • A paragraph examining the male equivalent to cougars. “‘Do I want to have sex with 20-year-olds?’ ponders one 48-year old man from Fairfax. ‘Yeah, but not every weekend.'”

Well, this is certainly a change of pace. I am disappointed to report this article does not feature any high-ranking members of congress or campaign leaders (damn!).The story is not posted online yet. I should note, at this time last year, I was an intern at Washingtonian. I really didn’t know a story like this was within the realm of possibility to pitch. But, I had a fabulous time writing about French Fries. Maybe, there is one consolation to us at City Paper for Washingtonian encroaching on our territory: We were there four years ago.

“The familiar, seductive sounds of cover music are the catalyst in the mating process. ‘What they want to do is drink heavily and sing to what they know,’ Pires says. ‘The chemicals we give them, which is the beer, that’s just the background. The overload of the live show is the cover band making the noise. It’s like musical vaudeville.’”

Image by Sweetviscape.