As if any more proof were needed that the D.C. area is uninhabitable in August, stepping out of the shower this morning I encountered a creature closely resembling this thing:

Yup, camel crickets are back. That picture doesn’t give you a good sense of scale, so let me make it clear what’s going on here. Camel crickets are approximately four feet tall, with antennae that stretch eight feet. They smell fear and live on human limbs. Every summer millions of them leave their native habitat, Hell, and arrive in the D.C. area, a large proportion of them setting up shop in my basement.

I’m exaggerating, but I’m still unhappy to live in an area that’s attractive to creepy bugs that leap toward you when you try to shoo them away. The last time I was a big baby about this in public, a commenter suggested oven cleaner. I’m willing to try it, even if keeping a can of the stuff next to the shampoo seems risky on mornings when I’m not quite awake yet.

Photo by discutant