I have some separation issues. I still have sneakers from high school and a ballcap from Little League. But the worst evidence of my sickness is my AOL e-mail address. It’s the first and still only e-mail address I’ve ever used.

Which would be OK if AOL e-mail weren’t such an awful product.

Everybody around me has abandoned their AOL accounts by now. As friends have moved on to Gmail or Yahoo or whatever over the years, they’ve cited the constant trouble sending or receiving music and graphics or any sort of large files, and the fact that sent e-mails end up in people’s spam folders as likely as an inbox, because AOL has such a lousy record of policing such things.

All problems I’ve encountered. And still do.

Yet I’ve held on.

But, I’m at the end of my “@aol.com” rope. I can’t even check my AOL e-mail anymore without big problems. Since mid-summer, when I try to sign on to aol.com using a Firefox browser, most times I’ll get an error message saying “The content you’ve requested is temporarily unavailable.”

I Googled and learned that I’m not alone. The easiest solution I found, other than getting rid of AOL once and for all, was: “Sign on through AOL-India.”

So for months I’ve been using the AOL-India homepage every day. It’s been enlightening. I always thought the Indians were a conservative bunch, punishing folks for public displays of affection and the like. But the India I read about on AOL-India is even trashier and more sex obsessed than the U.S. It’s all barely clad women, all the time.

The news headlines are hilarious. The front page of AOL-India last night juxtaposed “Blasts Tear Up Delhi” with “Most Intriguing Innerwear.” The featured stories included “Priyanka Burns the Ramp Yet Again!” “Sleep Tight for Good Sex…So They Say!” “Why People Like Sex,” and “Binge Drinking and Sex.”

In other words, I really gotta get rid of my AOL account.

And, you know, move to India.