Dan Snyder‘s flat-bustedish theme park chain, Six Flags, has decided that kegs, not cartoon characters, are what can bring the company back from the brink.

A Texas administrative law judge opened a two-day hearing in Fort Worth today to allow residents and even the Mayor of Arlington a chance to protest Six Flags’ application to sell alcohol at its Six Flags Over Texas and Hurricane Harbor parks.

I would truly hope and suggest that a marketing strategy would not be ‘Beer and Bugs Bunny,'” said one of the early testifiers according to a report in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Another local told the board: “I don’t want to ride through a park full of puke because somebody got drunk and decided to ride the Superman.”

The judge will issue his opinion to TABC within 60 days, after which the state board will give the thumbs up or down on the booze application.

Assuming Six Flags is still around, that is.

When Snyder took over the chain, he told the press that the company’s parks weren’t “family-friendly” enough.

Six Flags stock (SIX) was selling for around $12 a share at about that time.

The stock closed at 49 cents today.

So at some point on the way down to sub-four-bits-a-share, Snyder expanded his definition of “family friendly” to include taking a faceful of breakfast and Lone Star beer at 70 miles per hour courtesy of the dude in the lead car.

Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder’s Six Flags soap opera.