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So there I was today, trying to have a civil conversation with Ruth Samuelson about her City Paper-branded lip balm, and there she was, waving the tube in my face, saying “Want some? You want some? Ooooooh” and snapping it away from me just as I flailed at it with my girly wrists. Not a high point. But I know what you’re thinking: City Paper lip balm? After the pens, the magnets, the hats, there’s lip balm, too?

Sadly, no. Marketing Director Jacqueline Law denies all knowledge of the lip balm. Our publisher, Amy Austin, told me she was pretty sure Kim Dorn, our former events and promotions manager, had it made in limited quantities for some “lip-balm-related event.” I e-mailed Dorn, and even though she’s in San Francisco, where the air is so magic that people can hear e-mails just like phone callsNew Orleans, she hasn’t gotten back to me. (@1713, she did; see UPDATE below)

Like heat or natural light, lip balm never made its way down to the editorial floor, except to Samuelson, who snagged hers upstairs. It’s kind of the Bigfoot of City Paper promotional items. E.g.,

UPDATE: Kim Dorn e-mails from New Orleans—not S.F., thanks for the bum steer, Hutto!—and says “I assume [the lip balm was for] a matches party, but I’m not sure…I do remember one of our promotional peddlers sent me free sample of CP lip balm and I was hooked, but I can’t remember if I ordered more, or just used the freebies.”