Bride Wars, out Jan. 9 Tag line: “May the best bride win.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYEc_rox_p8]

Hotel for Dogs, out Jan. 16 Tag line: “No stray gets turned away.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA24Tgacaq4]

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, out Jan. 16 Tag line: “Safety never takes a holiday.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UX51lmL6sk]

And my personal favorite: My Bloody Valentine 3D, out Jan. 16 Tag line: “Nothing says ‘date movie’ like a 3D ride to hell.” (!!!)

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsRbqpiqkKU]

OK, so at least Hotel for Dogs is for kids. But if any of you spend your hard-earned bucks guffawing through the others — including My Bloody Valentine, since grisly murders are apparently now considered laff riots — you’re what’s wrong with America.