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Bride Wars, out Jan. 9
Tag line: “May the best bride win.”


Hotel for Dogs, out Jan. 16
Tag line: “No stray gets turned away.”


Paul Blart: Mall Cop, out Jan. 16
Tag line: “Safety never takes a holiday.”


And my personal favorite:
My Bloody Valentine 3D, out Jan. 16
Tag line: “Nothing says ‘date movie’ like a 3D ride to hell.” (!!!)


OK, so at least Hotel for Dogs is for kids. But if any of you spend your hard-earned bucks guffawing through the others — including My Bloody Valentine, since grisly murders are apparently now considered laff riots — you’re what’s wrong with America.