I’m stuck at the office, so I’m starting up a new feature: INAUGURAL INSULT COMIC! To the list!

1. A man at the door wearing nothing but a barrel.
2. Somebody’s pappy holding a shotgun to your back, tellin’ you if you drink one of his daughter’s mojitos, you’d best be fixin’ to make an honest woman outta her.
3. A beard-pulling contest set to the tune of “Turkey in the Straw”
4. Signs for the men’s and ladies’ “privvies”
5. Everyone fleeing when someone shouts “RIVINOOERS!” followed by the sound of a couple hundred Ford Mavericks coughing to life, tires squealing, and people shouting “YEEEEEEEEEHAAAA!”