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Like every other student every other day, I make decisions to either help or hinder my academic future. Like whether or not to read 60 pages of Althusser before my 12:45 p.m. Language and Culture class. Or, whether or not I attend said class at all.

Well, I made it to all my morning Anthro classes, after all. For my truant peers enjoying this average day elsewhere, some questionable pearls from quotable profs:

  • Hot tubs are a ridiculous fad and a waste of money. People buy them, use them intensely for two months – either for sex or therapy – and then allow them to collect algae.
  • When doing fieldwork in a cemetery, where a university T-shirt. If you walk around alone, you’re clearly not mourning, and people will think you’re either mentally unstable or weird. But if you wear a university T-shirt, it sends the message “weird, but not dangerous.” Problem solved.
  • Get permission from parents before getting children to talk about their erotic fantasies and dreams.

Three hours of private university schoolin’ = three somewhat useful rules to live by.