City Paper is not for tourists
How mean is America in the ’00s?
Here’s how mean: Something called the Fine Living Network has just announced a casting call for DC for its new reality show in which it’s looking for you to out the “Tools” in this market.
FLN isn’t looking for the kind of tools you plane a door or plug a leak with. No, this cable channel that I’ve never heard of is looking for tools of the sort that sat at your lunchtable in high school, folks that “you…love dearly” who “have that one glaring character flaw that makes them a Tool.”
According to info in the casting call announcement, the show wants contact info for anybody you know who is “a mama’s boy” or “a know it all” or “a suck up” or “a flirt.”
If you want to nominate somebody from the DC area, send a photo of yourself and the proposed Tool to firstname.lastname@example.org. The show will then send a production crew out to sandbag your dearly loved one and, as the release says, “put a plan into motion to help them change their ways.”
I’m no Jeff Zucker, but I think in TV speak that translates to “ruin his or her life.”
To borrow from the Confucius of our times, Jeff Foxworthy: If you nominate somebody to appear on this show, or if your name shows up in the credits…you might be a Tool.
Again: And they’re gonna cancel “Friday Night Lights”?