Hipster Runoff’s Carles, lord of the alt. bros, trains his wilting criticism on fixie riders and all that they represent:

Have yall heard of fixed-gear bikes? Does n e1 know how they work, and why people buy them? Feel kinda like it might be more advantageous to have a bike with multiple gears, but I think sometimes ’subcultures’ can develop out of people ‘being unreasonable.’

I think with only 1 gear, u have to do more work in order to ride ur bike fast. Might be some sort of new age weight loss gimmick, kinda like what ‘large people’ will do in order to shed some calories. Not sure how useful[.]

One of Carles’ commenters suggests that “there’s already a fixie backlash”—and several other commenters concur—regrettably, even: “It’s complettely [sic] stupid. Too bad all the boys that ride them make me wet my panties.”

Let’s face it, once a meme shows up on Hipster Runoff, it’s no longer cool. My advice to fixie-riding hipsters is this: Get a fucking haircut. Quit talking about Animal Collective. Invest in some deodorant and at least one solid Brooks Brothers outfit (yes, this means foregoing those heavy-ass clown wheels). Then when you scoot around on your death machines, everyone will think you’re ironic instead of stupid.